Laptop Television Mom

Yes, I am in NYC for BlogHer.  Yes, I am going to use that as my excuse for posting Dixie’s recap late in the game.  Regardless, I thought this week’s show was great, and I love Dolly Parton.  DIXIE SAYS:

Let’s
critique the judges’ performance:

Simon was
positively foul Tuesday night. Because he has yet to enjoy one Country Music
Night in the history of the show, I really think he should boycott that
particular night in the future. He hates country music so much that he is
incapable of being objective, which is normally his strength and why we put up
with him in the first place. And what does Simon have against songs with birds
in the title? First Blackbirds, now Sparrows…

Randy’s
critiques were, in the words of the judges themselves, “totally forgettable”.
He should really stop playing the role of Randy Jackson and start giving some
cohesive, cogent, helpful advice. I know he has it in him, but he can’t get
past the “yo yo yo baby, check it out, dawg” persona.

Paula was
incoherent as usual. I think they should boot her off the show and put Dolly
Parton in her slot. I adore Dolly, but I had no clue she was such an incredibly
prolific songwriter! 3,000 songs? Wow! And it seems like she ‘felt’ each and
every one of those songs- that’s what made her a star!  I’m looking
forward to her performance tonight.

Oh, let’s
not forget Ryan… he appreciates a French pedicure. Do I need to say more?

Brooke
White "Jolene"

Serviceable
job, but nothing special. The rhythm of the song was all wrong for the mood of
the song. Of course, the song is about a woman trying to steal the singer’s
man. What is squeaky clean Brooke going to know about that? She was off pitch
on many, many notes and definitely seemed to be rushing through the
performance. I agree with Simon about the accompanying musicians- what an odd,
incongruous quartet! Throw in some odd facial expressions and I think Brooke
may possibly hit the seal this week. Although they are probably saying
something meaningless, she really, really needs to shut up when the judges are
giving their critiques. It prolongs the nonsense and it grates.

David Cook
"Little Sparrow"

Ryan asking
David about his song choices was so incredibly lame. “How do you pick
arrangements?”  “Well Ryan, I find songs on the internet that have been
covered by rock bands whose style is similar to mine.” They have been giving
the artists/arrangers proper credit for the past two weeks. This issue doesn’t
need to be addressed AGAIN. We get it, okay?  That being said, I really
liked this arrangement and was glad to see that apparently, he can arrange his
own songs. David was very smart to change things up and not rock out with a
Dolly song. He sang with conviction and perfect pitch and sported a nice new
haircut to boot! I think he is brilliant and still my numero uno! The David
Cook Bandwagon is getting really crowded. Luckily, I boarded early on, so I
have a good seat! Note to Randy: “”False” is not short for “Falsetto”. If you
mean falsetto, then say falsetto. Quit trying to create your own shorthand.

Ramiele
Malubay "Do I Ever Cross Your Mind"

Apparently
not because I’ve forgotten you already. Another boring performance from The
Little Engine That Could. Seriously, what is keeping her on the show? Don’t say
the Filipino vote, because I can’t buy that. Please let this be her last week.
If we make a sacrifice at the altar of Jasmine Trias (most of you reading have
no idea how much I despised her and her voice), do you think the gods of
Mediocre Short Girls Who Outlive Their Usefulness will be appeased and we’ll
finally be set free? This performance was absolutely horrible- no stage skills,
awkward, off key, pitchy, inaudible at times, and a ridiculous outfit to boot.
Goodbye? I hope so!

Jason Castro
"Travelin’ Thru"

I’m not
sure about this performance. At least he didn’t look as high (allegedly!) as he
normally does. At first, I was afraid he was going to make this song ‘sing
songy’ but he didn’t! Great phrasing choices, as usual, and Jason seemed very
in touch with the lyrics. He pushed his voice a little bit, made it a little
gritty, and I enjoyed it, but I’m not sure that I am in the majority on this
one. I didn’t expect him to be in the Bottom 3 last week, and he was, so I have
a fear that he may be again.

Carly
Smithson "Here You Come Again"

Athough I
prefer this song to be little faster, and more peppy (Dolly style!), Carly’s
vocals absolutely floored me! It’s what I’ve been waiting to hear from her. I’m
not totally sold on the super high notes (or how strained she appears when
reaching for them), but Carly’s lower and middle registers are heavenly. Her
tone and flexibility is nothing short of amazing. Carly is THE best of the
girls and deserves to make Top 3. Okay, I agree that she doesn’t dress like a
star, but ouch, Simon! Note to Stylists: Sleeves would do wonders on this girl.
Cover up those white, un-toned, tattooed limbs.

David
Archuleta "Smoky Mountain Memories"

Believe it
or not, I’m beginning to feel sorry for the poor little tot because he seems to
be so SINCERE. Lighten up Archie, you’re only 17 years old! So far this season,
he has lectured us about War, Religion, Homelessness, Gun Violence, and now
Poverty in the Smokey Mountains. Sing something happy and upbeat
and nonsensical. His performance wasn’t as good as I was expecting after his
clip with Dolly, but it was okay. Certainty not worthy of the lavish praise
bestowed upon him by the judges. At times, he was drowned out by the back up
singers, and he seems to have replaced licking his lips with shutting his eyes.
It doesn’t matter though- he’s safe.

Kristy Lee
Cook "Coat of Many Colors”

Will
someone please kill me now? I can’t believe I’m typing this, but tonight for
the first time, I actually liked her and her performance! I knew she would
excel on an evening dedicated to her wheelhouse, but this was definitely
Kristy’s personal best. Wearing a dress did wonders for her likeability- good
one, stylists! The only thing I didn’t like was the bare feet thing. Note to
Kristy: We’ve actually started wearing shoes in the south.   

Syesha
Mercado “I Will Always Love You”

Did anyone
NOT see this song choice coming from a universe away? Anyone? Didn’t think so.
Besides the fact that this was the least surprising song selection in the
history of song selections, Syesha is bound and determined to be Whitney’s
stand in, at least while she is still in rehab. Some of those notes made my
ears bleed, and I despise the forced attempt to create a moment. Had she stayed
with the sweet, mellow Dolly Parton version, I think it would have been a
homerun, but Syesha couldn’t resist the Whitney. Unfortunately, she has far
more ambition than she does talent.  Definitely a seal-making performance.

Michael
Johns "It’s All Wrong, But It’s All Right”

Was Michael
wearing a neck-kerchief? Is he undercover to solve a mystery or what? Will we
find Shaggy working the lights and Velma disguised as Paula? Jason in the
corner eating a Scooby Snack? I love the smooth, bluesy, “Michael Bolton”
quality of his voice and until he started to move a little at the end of the
song, it was pretty close to perfect. David Cook is cream of the crop, but the
Aussie is running a very close second. Great way to end the show (even though I
didn’t get to see the end because they ran over and my DVR cut off while Paula
was blabbering on.)

Bottom 3:
Rami, Syesha, and either Brooke or Jason.  We know who I wish would go home.